Preparation for domestic violence and mental health issues

References to be checked by a professional lawyer to help smita choudhary think

AIR 2010 SC 3540
AIR 2011 SC 2748
AIR 2014 SC 2881
AIR 2015 SC 300
2016(234) DLT 337(DB)
2016(233) DLT 39
2016(231) DLT 142
2004(4) SCC 266.
I hope she shall find some help & direction to help you. I tried to contact her, but her no. was not reachable. I shall try in evening. She must be busy in court presently.

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Further to the case of interim relief.

This has set aside the M P High Court Judgme, i want to move REview Application in the Appeal Court itself.It can be done in bhopal and i may just be able to get it done in time.

2014 Legal Eagle(SC) 800
IN THE SUPREME COURT OF INDIA
Equivalent Citations : 2014 (12) JT 107 : 2014 (12) Scale 352 : 2014 AIOL 2143
Before : T.S. Thakur, R. Banumathi
Sunita Kachwaha & Ors.
Versus
Anil Kachwaha
Case No. : Criminal Appeal No. 2310 of 2014 (Arising out of SLP (Crl.) No. 2659/2012)
Date of Decision : 28-Oct-2014
Advocates Appeared:
For the Appellants : Avinash Kumar, Advocate.
For the Respondent : Ms. Lalita Kohli, Harvinder Chowdhury (For M/s Manoj Swarup & Co.), Advocates.
HEADNOTE :
Criminal Procedure Code, 1973 — Section 125 — Maintenance of Wife & Children — Trial Court awarded 3000 for wife & Rs. 2500/- each for two daughters — High Court disallowed maintenance of wife and affirm the award for daughters — Inability to maintain herself is the pre-condition for grant of maintenance to the wife — The wife must positively aver and prove that she is unable to maintain herself, in addition to the fact that her husband has sufficient means to maintain her and that he has neglected to maintain her — Husband a government servant & also having rental income — Merely because the appellant-wife is a qualified post graduate, it would not be sufficient to hold that she is in a position to maintain herself — Nothing on record to prove employment of wife — High Court order set aside — Husband directed to pay Rs. 3000 per month as maintenance to wife — Appeal allowed.
STATUTES REFERRED:
1. Code of Criminal Procedure,1973, Section 125
2. Code of Criminal Procedure,1973, Section 397
JUDGMENT/ORDER:
R. Banumathi, J.:–
1. Delay in filing and refiling SLP condoned and leave granted.
2. This appeal is preferred against the Order dated 26.06.2008 passed by the High Court of Madhya Pradesh at Jabalpur in Criminal Revision No. 2303/2007, in and by which, the High Court has set aside the order of maintenance of Rs. 3,000/- awarded to the wife while affirming the order of maintenance awarded to the two daughters.
3. Marriage of the first appellant was solemnized with respondent on 5.02.1996 as per Hindu rites and the spouses are blessed with two daughters. The first daughter Ankita is aged 12 years and second daughter Akshita is 8 years old as on the date of filing of SLP. Case of the appellant-wife is that when she was living in the matrimonial house, the respondent and her in-laws were harassing her on the ground that she has not brought sufficient dowry. The appellant-wife is alleged to have been subjected to physical and mental cruelty, demanding car and dowry. As the torture became intolerable, the appellant-wife had contacted her brothers in the year 2006, and her brothers came to Kota to take the appellants back on 24.04.2006. The matter was reported to the SHO Police Station, Mahaveer Nagar, Kota about the cruel treatment meted out to the appellant-wife by the respondent and in-laws.
4. Because of the harassment, it is stated that the appellant-wife could not continue to reside in the matrimonial house, and the appellant- wife along with her children went to her parents house at Jabalpur. The appellants claimed maintenance by filing petition under Section 125 Cr.P.C. before the Second Additional Principal Judge, Family Court, Jabalpur. Keeping in view the need of the appellants, the Family Court by its Order dated 29.10.2007 directed the respondent to pay Rs. 3,000/- per month and Rs. 2,500/- per month to the appellant-wife and to each of the daughters respectively.
5. Aggrieved by the award of maintenance, respondent preferred revision petition under Section 397 Cr.P.C. before the High Court of Madhya Pradesh, Jabalpur Bench wherein the High Court has modified the order, disallowing the maintenance to the appellant-wife and affirming the award of maintenance to the daughters. Aggrieved by the said order, the unsuccessful wife has preferred this appeal, praying for setting aside the order of High Court and for appropriate maintenance.
6. We have heard the learned counsel for the appearing parties at length and perused the materials on record.
7. The High Court has set aside the award of maintenance to the wife on the ground that the separate stay of the wife due to alleged dowry torture is not justified and that she has left the matrimonial house without any justifiable ground. As referred to by the Family Court, in her evidence, the appellant-wife has clearly stated that the respondent and his mother were physically and mentally harassing her on the ground that she has brought insufficient dowry. The Family Court referred to the evidence of the appellant at length and held that she has justifiable ground to stay away from the matrimonial house and the High Court was not right in interfering with such factual findings and upsetting the maintenance order.
8. The proceeding under Section 125 Cr.P.C. is summary in nature. In a proceeding under Section 125 Cr.P.C., it is not necessary for the court to ascertain as to who was in wrong and the minute details of the matrimonial dispute between the husband and wife need not be gone into. While so, the High Court was not right in going into the intricacies of dispute between the appellant-wife and the respondent and observing that the appellant-wife on her own left the matrimonial house and therefore she was not entitled to maintenance. Such observation by the High Court overlooks the evidence of appellant-wife and the factual findings, as recorded by the Family Court.
9. Inability to maintain herself is the pre-condition for grant of maintenance to the wife. The wife must positively aver and prove that she is unable to maintain herself, in addition to the fact that her husband has sufficient means to maintain her and that he has neglected to maintain her. In her evidence, the appellant-wife has stated that only due to help of her retired parents and brothers, she is able to maintain herself and her daughters. Where the wife states that she has great hardships in maintaining herself and the daughters, while her husband’s economic condition is quite good, the wife would be entitled to maintenance.
10. The learned counsel for the respondent submitted that the appellant-wife is well qualified, having post graduate degree in Geography and working as a teacher in Jabalpur and also working in Health Department. Therefore, she has income of her own and needs no financial support from respondent. In our considered view, merely because the appellant-wife is a qualified post graduate, it would not be sufficient to hold that she is in a position to maintain herself. Insofar as her employment as a teacher in Jabalpur, nothing was placed on record before the Family Court or in the High Court to prove her employment and her earnings. In any event, merely because the wife was earning something, it would not be a ground to reject her claim for maintenance. The Family Court had in extenso referred to the respondent’s salary and his economic condition. The respondent is stated to be an Engineer in PHE, Kota. He is in Government service and according to the pay certificate then produced before the Family Court, he was getting salary of Rs. 20,268/- per month. In her evidence, appellant-wife has also stated that the respondent owns a very big house of his own in which he is said to have opened a hostel for boys and girls and is earning a substantial income. She has also stated that the respondent owns another house at Talmandi Sabji Kota, Rajasthan and is receiving rental income of Rs. 4,500/- per month. Having regard to the salary and economic condition of the respondent, the Family Court has awarded maintenance of Rs. 3,000/- to the wife and Rs. 2,500/- to each of the daughters, in total Rs. 8,000/- per month. It is stated that the maintenance amount awarded to the daughters has been subsequently enhanced to Rs. 10,000/- per month. The maintenance amount of Rs. 3,000/- per month awarded to the wife appears to be minimal and in our view, the High Court ought not to have set aside the award of maintenance. The learned counsel for the appellants prayed for enhancement of the quantum of maintenance to the appellant-wife. We are not inclined to go into the said submission, but liberty is reserved to the appellant- wife to seek remedy before the appropriate court.
11. The impugned order of the High Court dated 26.06.2008 passed in Criminal Revision No. 2303/2007 is set aside and this appeal is allowed. The respondent is directed to pay the maintenance of Rs. 3,000/- per month to the appellant-wife as ordered by the Family Court and also pay the arrears of maintenance payable to the appellant-wife within the period of eight weeks.
____________

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यदि इसमें कुछ भी किसी तरह गलत या नुक्सान दा यक हो तो ध्यानाकर्षण करें।

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24 January, 2017 05:27

कौन हूँ कहाँ हूँ कुछ समझ में नहीं आ रहा।All i know is that i want some help to get back to where i can be of use to someone who can benefit from my existence.
This is my disease.
If i could think only of myself as i am being advised for some decades now, i would fit in the present society.

लेकिन मुझे लगता है कि दुनिया में कुछ लोग ऐसे चाहिए जो औरों का भला सोचें। दूसरों के लिए जीने में विशवास रखे।

वह बिलकुल वैसा ही लगा था मुझे।

फिशायद मैं सभी में खुद को ढूंढती हूँ।
लेकिन बहुत दिन तक चलता नहीं यह
बहुत थका देने वाली सोच है यह

सोवः

या

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15 January, 2017 07:25

They Call It ‘Soul Rape’

#Narcissistic Abuse is truly a form of soul defilement” , writes Christine Louis de Canonville, in her book, The Three Faces of Evil: Unmasking the Full Spectrum of Narcissistic Abuse. If you’ve ever been the victim of narcissistic abuse, then that statement will resonate deeply with you. Why? Because it is absolutely, positively, and 100% without the slightest exaggeration, TRUE.

“When a victim is enmeshed with a narcissist, especially if this began in childhood, the individual learns to give their attention, affection or emotional support to their abuser above all else; in time they begin to lose [their] sense of self. It appears that the victim puts the needs of the narcissist (and then others) before their own needs. This is true to a point, but actually, and more importantly, the victim’s first daily need is to remain safe in the environment with the narcissist. Becoming a “pleaser” is a way to stay safe, [and] it works by way of “changing the mood” of the abuser, thus avoiding their rages, which usually meant punishment, guilt, shame, and abandonment for the victim.”

Now here, I want to point at two words in that paragraph that had me fucked up for a long, hot minute, and I know it has messed with the heads of a lot of other women, too. The words I want to talk about here are, #1– “pleaser”, and #2– “rage”.

“Pleaser” really had me thinking, because I never saw myself as a “pleaser”. I was a ‘strong woman’. I didn’t take any shit from anyone. I was an independent thinker. Confident. And anyway, when my husband would be nasty, I wouldn’t just “take it”. I would yell at him, and tell him he was being an ass, and that he could go to hell because I wasn’t going to be treated like garbage. So there! (Doesn’t really have the ring of “pleaser” to it, does it?) Of course, I still stayed…

The word “rage” also had me stuck because my husband rarely “raged”. I mean, I maybe saw it 2, or 3, times in over 8 years. I think most people probably get mad enough to throw something, or scream, at least once every other year, or so. That’s not anything too far from normal. So… if I wasn’t a “pleaser”, and he didn’t “rage”…. then what the hell? (This is the point where I would go into a panic, wondering if I was maybe, really the narcissist, and couldn’t see it because, well…I was the narcissist!)

And then, one day, I had a run-in with a person, who I had dared to say ‘No’ to…and stick to it… and, as a result, suffered their violent rage. It wasn’t that I had never said ‘No’ before, because I had. It was about being what this person needed me to be, in order to uphold their version of reality. And, like lightning, it hit me. “Pleasing” isn’t about ‘”people pleasing’” behavior that we would normally think of when we hear that word. It’s about doing what the narcissist wants you to do, in order to provide him with the type of supply he needs. And therefore, “rage” isn’t always in reference to an angry, or physically violent, outburst. It’s about the narcissist losing control of their carefully constructed, though pathetically vulnerable, facade and, the feeling of powerlessness they get from it.

So, by being a “pleaser”, you’re “people pleasing”, or being self-effacing, or subservient. This type of “pleasing” is about doing whatever it is the narcissist wants you to do…or better yet, being the person the narcissist wants you to be in order to complete his inner-wounding drama. And, that last sentence is vital to really get, because this is what ultimately causes, what the shamans call ‘soul loss’. Western psychologists call it ‘dissociation’.

When the narcissist gets into a relationship, it’s because he has found someone who he intuitively can sense has deep empathy, compassion, and also, unfortunately, deep wounding that he can exploit. The narcissist’s goal, over time, is for the partner to be molded into the image of the narcissist’s original abuser, in order to continuously act out that drama/script. Of course, this is all highly unconscious. But, nonetheless, there you have it.

I believe that this is why so many victims with Narcissistic Victim Syndrome (yes, this fucked up kind of abuse even has it’s own category now!) report feeling as though they “don’t recognize themselves”, or ” don’t know who they are anymore”, or “don’t feel whole”. Not only is this a common sign that soul loss has occurred, but also a sign that the narcissist’s subconscious plot to morph the victim into the original abuser, has worked….at least partially.

Let me give you an example. If a narcissist’s original abuser was hyper-critical, physically abusive, and controlling, then the narcissist will basically, arrange situations, events, and circumstances that almost force the victim to act in those same ways. He will poke, prod, negate, devalue, ignore, dismiss, disregard, instigate…and relentlessly dig at the victim, until she finally snaps, and gives him what he wants- the violent outburst. And this can be forced out of a woman, who was once a positive, happy-go-lucky sort of person, who rarely got angry before the relationship with a narcissist.

He will act out defiantly, refusing to cooperate on the smallest, most insignificant tasks, so that the victim would be forced into constantly vocalizing her displeasure with the fact that he refused to do anything she asked of him, or wanted from him, or even NEEDED from him. Every request is defiantly met, until she relents and becomes the hyper-critical nag he needs her to be.

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15 January, 2017 06:53

जेल में सबसे कठोर दंड होता है coventry. काला पानी में लंबे समय तक ऐसी स्थिति में रखते थे लोगों को जिसमे तुमने मुझे रख दिया। आज कोइ भी मेरे साथ ऐसा व्यवहार नहीं कर रहा। तो कह सकती हूँ।
खुले में की तुमने मेरे सात सोल रेप किया जिसके लिए निम्न लिखित लिंक प्रस्तुत है
http://thenarcissistswife.com/they-call-it-soul-rape/

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Sunday eighth january 2017

The third term exam is round the corner. The recorded lessons have been available and worked upon many times over.But still exam fever is dificult to deal with.

Just playing the recording this morning is reassuring. The lesson sounds exactly the same as it did in the classroom.

No question of forgetting or leaving anyone out.

One week later the actual exam will start.

I pray that someone sees the need to play the lesson for the children. It will make it a childs play to revise the course.

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